Tyranny of And plus the Power of No

Hello, and welcome to the Soul Garden. My name is Georgina Langdale. And I'm really delighted to have you here with me today. So this week in the soul garden, I am reflecting on the tyranny of the And, what it is, what it does to us. And how we might be able to turn that around. What I mean by the tyranny of the And, is, it's the list of all the things we do or think we are in life. So if somebody says to you, what is it you do? And you say, Well, I do this, and this, and this, and a little bit of that, and you get the picture. You know, suddenly, there's this whole long train of things that you do. Recently, someone said to me, you're doing a lot. And I realized that that wasn't necessarily a compliment, that doing a lot wasn't really helping anybody. It's not helping my customers. It's not helping my clients. And it's not helping me. I realize that you are doing a lot meant that all those ends I had, when I tried to explain to someone what it was I'm doing, we're tripping me up, we're wearing me out, we're spreading me too thin. There's so much pressure in life, at the moment to be so many things. And there is a expectation that we can start doing something and straightaway, it'll be a success. There's this idea of really of instant gratification. The reality is, life doesn't work like that, talent doesn't work like that building of business doesn't work like that. And so the more that we try and reach for those shiny apples on the tree, another and here and neither and there, we can be the ones that end up losing out. The person who reflected to me that I was doing a lot, and not in a good way, really gave me a gift, it made me start to think about when does the and become too much. And when do all these ands that were that I'm trying to be that we you know, all these ands that we try to be? When do they become tyranny rather than opportunity, this can be a really confronting thing to do. But I really recommend that you set aside some time and try it for yourself. How do you describe auditors, you do write down everything that you do, how many ends are there if you think of the ends is the link in the chain, all these bits of your being and purpose, you're probably going to find there are quite a few ands there. So where there can be a sense of tyranny in the and, because all these ands that you do just end up spreading you so thin, that you don't have the energy to do them or you get overwhelmed. And if it's a business, your customer starts to get confused. You know, they don't know who you are or what you are anymore because you're this and this and this and this and how can you be all of that? This is the question that starts to arise. Now I'm saying all this and I am so guilty. I am so guilty of have multiple Ands, but I've realized it is so stressful. So having realized that I was completely overwhelmed by the and, that I had not stayed in my lane, I was trying to drive every lane in both directions on a major freeway all at the same time. The obvious question arose, which was, what are you gonna do about it. And the first thing I thought of was, well, I am just going to have to get rid of some of those ands. Now, I am a woman and midlife. I'm in my mid late 50s, done them going through menopause transition thing. And this is it's a brilliant time midlife for women in midlife, this is a really fantastic time to think about who you are, what matters, where you're going, or what you want to do and be. Which also means it's a really great time to figure out the lane that you want to be in, and the ads you want to focus on and the ones you want to let go of. So if you're in midlife as a woman, rather than feel the tyranny of the menopause transition, for example, all its symptoms and things just sweeping you up and carrying you away from who you are. What have you worked with that energy, and this moment, this transitional moment in time to think of all that you are, and the best bits of that, to take forward into this new phase of life. Now, there are all sorts of other moments in life that you could apply this to as well. relationship changes, geographical changes, health changes, all of these moments can give you a really good opportunity to examine how many ands are there in my life and my purpose? And which ones resonate? For me truly, and which ones do I really not need? They're just a distraction. Back to midlife, I think that many of my listeners I know, are women like me, in midlife or beyond? Who Who do you want to be in midlife? How do you want to describe yourself? Where do you want to put your focus? And another really good thing to do to help answer that question is think what feeds my soul? Not what feeds my ego, or even necessarily what feeds my bank balance, although that is important. Life is expensive. But what feeds my soul, that beautiful, sacred space within me that finds beauty and meaning in things in life, and work and creativity? What are the things that make my soul feel nourished and nurtured? What I've been doing and this might work for you, why not give it a go, I started to write down well at night I started I even finished it, which is kind of amazing given given the overwhelm of everything I wrote down, what do I do? And I wrote down all the ands. So rather than just going, I do this. And then bullet point a whole other things that you do write an end, I do this and blah, blah, blah, and blah, blah, blah, and blah, blah, blah. Then what I did was I started to think about criteria to judge my ends with things like, is this and here, what is this about? Is it is it just about ego? Or is it a necessity? Or is it just something that is just I ended up doing because I've always done it? Or is this actually nice, but a complete distraction, and I was able to start to see which ands were kind of a bit weak or a bit too left field or or too much of a distraction too far off course. And then I would ask myself, What is the worst thing that can happen? If I stop during that particular and, and are some of them had quite dire consequences like, well, we wouldn't be able to pay our bills and put food on the table. But they're actually a lot of those ands, when I got rid of them. What they did was free me up, give me more time took some pressure off. And I started looking at them and go, Ah, this is soul food, this is really helping me see, I don't have to do everything out, or I absolutely don't have to do everything all at once. So then what I started to see, what are the things that can go or together go completely? Or what are the things that I still want to do, but maybe now is not the right time to do them? And what are the things that I might want to do, but they're, they're kind of time sensitive or time specific. IE, these are things I need to get done. Now, that thing can wait for six months, that thing will take me three weeks. So just sit down and get it done, you know, two hours a day for the next three weeks, we'll knock that one over. For people who are solopreneurs, running their own business, doing everything, to keep everything going this situation adds a whole other layer to that tyranny of the and. And so if somebody says, could you do this? Or could you do that we go yes, yes. Because, oh, it could be another income stream opening up and, and there's a real pressure as a small scale solopreneur to never say no, to something that might bring income in. So you go, yeah, sure, I can do that. And then you get, we get another request over there and another request over there. And you're saying yes to everything, no to nothing. And you end up with this long, tyrannical thread, chain chain of ends. And then you get burnt out and overwhelmed and exhausted, and no one wants those ands. I've also been thinking around this tyranny of and and being confronted by my own ands, about how to place things in life. What is needed for my basic health and well being what is needed for my relationship, and what is needed for my work, and what is needed for my hobbies, my creative life. So then I was able to see what goes where, by drawing up this picture of where to place things in life, job, creative pursuit, health and well being relationship etc, you can start to see where the weight of the load you're carrying is. And once you see that, you have the power to start to balance things out more. I was reading the other day about a woman who had built a company. It was in the cosmetics sector. And within a few short years, really she had made it into something very valuable. And she sold it from bucket load of money. And the article I read was a bunch of people who work in venture capital and equity and mergers and acquisitions. Saying what? What that woman that business and the deal that she got for her when she sold her business, what it showed them and a number of the people interviewed said it shows the power of staying in her lane. She knew exactly what the purpose of her business was, what its mission was, who its customers were and she just stuck to that. So she was able to grow things with clarity and with speed because she didn't start editing In a whole chain of ends, she just kept that focus she stayed in her lane. So often, we forget to stay in our lane, and we end up with overwhelm, or customers or our clients or our family or our friends, we all end up in the sense of overwhelm. What are you doing? Where's the focus? How do I fit into this? What do you really want? All of these questions come up because of the tyranny of the and. I'm a woman in midlife. And the majority of my customer base and client base, are women in midlife and beyond. They're either moving through or have passed through the menopause transition, and we're in this entering or are now in this whole new phase of life. This is a really fantastic moment to address the tyranny of the end in your own life, it's a time to get clear about the fact that too much busyness, too many ands, isn't doing you any favors at all? isn't doing anyone any favors at all? And that you have a wonderful opportunity to say, hey, what do I want this phase of life to really look like? Where do I want to focus my attention and energy? How do I want to live? What do I want to do? What? What can I do with the experience I've gained over the decades of my life so far? What can I take from my life and professional experience to really make good choices about how I use my time in this next phase of life. And part of those good choices are getting rid of a whole bunch of ends, that actually don't serve me or anybody else very well. When we get to those moments, when we hit a wall, figuratively, when we reach those moments of complete overwhelm, these are also moments for transformation. When these moments come upon us, yes, we can shed a few tears and, and feel frustrated for a while. But we've also been given a gift. We've been given a nudge from the universe to say, it doesn't need to be this busy. Figure out the things that serve you and your family, or your customers or your clients well. And focus on that. Keep it simple. Stay in your lane. And if there are a few ands that you wish to explore, you don't have to do them all at once. They don't all have to be overnight sensations. And they don't all have to take front of mind space in your life. We don't have to be overwhelmed by the tyranny of and because once we see it for what it is, we have the power within us to do something about it. We each have the ability to be magnificent and wonderful in our own unique ways. The flip side of the coin of the tyranny of the and is the power of No. I mentioned before this you know when we're a small business solopreneur it's freelancer, consultant. It is very hard to say no to things if we're a people pleaser. It is very is very hard to say no. But once you've been able to identify the tyranny of your ands, and we were your best place to place your focus on things, then you get to wield the power of No. You don't have to say yes to everything. And if you are about to say yes to something else, stop for a minute and think it's not serving me well. I'm going to wield the power of no if you're thinking yeah, this I'd love to do this, but I need somebody to help me through this process or I need a place held for me to really be able to consider my ends and the power of No, then maybe I can help you with that. With my I offer coaching, one on one coaching and mentoring. And you can find links to that on my website at Georginalangdale.com and at archeus.nz. So that's it for me. This week in the Soul Garden. Go Well, get clear. Stay in your lane be magnificent. And I'll talk to you next week. Bye